Are you a crackhead? Knowing when to love and when to leave
Chris Brown and Rihanna. Photo from TheYBF.com
So, if you half pay attention to American pop culture, I’m sure you’ve heard about the Chris Brown/Rihanna fiasco that happened on the night of the Grammy’s. Reportedly, a woman - who sources have identified as Good Girl Gone Bad Rihanna - made a 911 call reporting an assault by her boyfriend, Chris Brown.
As soon as this story broke, people immediately took sides. Radio stations did call-ins, Chris Brown’s stepdad, who Chris publicly accused of abusing his mom, did Access Hollywood and radio interviews - claiming the opposite, and alleging that Brown in fact was the violent one.
Celebrities chimed in with their two cents; some, like rapper, T.I. and actor Terrence Howard who we’ll get to later, chimed in too soon and retracted their two cents shortly thereafter.
The truth of the matter is that noone knows what happened on that night except Chris and Rihanna. I’ve known men who were in abusive relationships at the hands of women - too ashamed to do anything about it. I’ve known women who cried wolf and gotten men arrested who’d never laid a hand on them.
So, I can’t, though I wish I could, travel back in time and be a stitch on the leather seat of that Lamborghini and see what the hell went down. Nor can I say that I haven’t been mad enough at a dude to contemplate going upside his head my damn self; and if I had a little less home-training, I might have.
But, on this, we all can agree, SOMETHING happened. The important question is: what happens now?
What happens now, after you realize you are in a dysfunctional relationship, or a functional one with dysfunctional tendencies? Do you stay or do you go? Do you love or do you leave?
To illustrate my point, see, the comment of an actor who I had been slightly enamored with, but the more he opens his mouth the lower he falls on my totem pole: Terrence Howard. According to TheYBF.com, here’s Terrence Howard’s pre-retraction statement:
“Chris is a great guy. He’ll be all right. And Rihanna knows he loves her.”
Is Howard implying knowing someone “loves you” justifies their behavior? Should Rihanna somehow find comfort in the belief that Chris Brown loves her, even though, he allegedly choked the shit out of her?
Isn’t that the tired excuse that many abusers, or just bad partners in general, use to glaze over their mistreatment of you? (Not that I’m necessarily implying Howard’s an abuser or bad partner; his statement just might be leftover characterization from Hustle & Flow.)
If Rihanna and Chris stay together, it’s reflective of the co-dependent issues within each of them that need resolve, before they can have a truly healthy relationship. And I wouldn’t be surprised, if they did stay together.
But as Terrence suggested, while Chris may love Rihanna, or vice versa, the bigger lesson for us onlookers, is that everything we love isn’t always good for us.
In relationships, we have to be extra careful when we encounter negative behavior patterns - sometimes our “love” for a person clouds are rational judgment - and we become the quintessential “Why is she with him? / Why is he with her?” girl or guy.
The painful part of being a rational human being is recognizing that while we may very well love someone or something, that the best thing for our mental and physical safety is to walk away.
Think of it like this:
Crackheads love crack, but dammit if that shit won’t kill ‘em.